So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
