mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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