Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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