she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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