Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
