How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
