i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
