Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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