Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
