I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
