Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
