peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You pole danced in your parka.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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