I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
this hospital has no fireball
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
