Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
