I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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