I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She bit a glass in half.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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