I think my vagina is haunted
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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