I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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