For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize