my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
