you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
