apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize