You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
