Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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