I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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