I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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