party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
