I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
