He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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