I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
