The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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