Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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