Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize