Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
