Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
