I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
