well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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