I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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