Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
