party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
