you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize