I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
