I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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