i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
