dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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