I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
