well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
