Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
