I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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