If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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