Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
