So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
