Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
