After last night, I could never be a politician.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
