Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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