Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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