Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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