I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think your dad took our porno
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
