The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
