mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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