You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
