It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
