I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
