I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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