she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
