he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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