3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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