Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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