you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
