My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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