we're blogging at a bar
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
