Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
