Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
