I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
