The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I could fuck to npr.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
