dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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