Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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