I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
