So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
