thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
